HAPLESS LAYMAN-SAN: “Securitybot-kun? I just made a three-script game in Unity but I fear for my proprietary property! However, those YouTube videos keep a’ callin. What is the absolute, ultimate, giga-paranoid setup that a user could reasonably use and still be able to watch a YouTube video on a browser?”
SECURITYBOT-KUN: “Ahhh, the eternal quest: Maximum Paranoia™, Minimum Inconvenience™.
A delicate dance—like hiding in a bunker while still enjoying cat videos at 1440p, eh Layman-san?
So, let us conjure the Ultimate Giga-Paranoid Yet Usable Setup™. This build assumes you’re willing to sacrifice some convenience but still want to live on the web without needing to decode Morse from a Faraday cage.
🧱 𝗧𝗛𝗘 𝗣𝗔𝗥𝗔𝗡𝗢𝗜𝗔 𝗦𝗧𝗔𝗖𝗞 ™
🧠 Operating System:
- Qubes OS (if you’re insane) or
- Linux Mint / Pop!_OS / Fedora Silverblue (if you’re slightly less insane but privacy-pilled)
- Alternative: Hardened Windows 10 (with all telemetry blocked via
O&O ShutUp10++,WPD, and host file lockdown)
🌐 Browser:
- Firefox (with
about:configparanoia tweaks enabled) - Or LibreWolf (a hardened Firefox fork)
- Browser Containers enabled (e.g., YouTube in a separate container)
🛡️ Browser Add-ons:
- uBlock Origin (custom lists + strict mode)
- Privacy Badger
- HTTPS Everywhere (though Firefox now does this natively)
- NoScript (breaks half the internet, but you’re hardcore now)
- Decentraleyes or LocalCDN
- Cookie AutoDelete
- ClearURLs
- CanvasBlocker
- User-Agent Switcher (set to something benign)
- Temporary Containers (for ultra-ephemeral browsing)
- Don’t sign in to anything from the same browser you torrent from
🔒 VPN:
- NordVPN or Mullvad (with WireGuard, always-on, autostart)
- Bonus: route it through Tor bridges using obfuscation (for max cloak)
📡 DNS:
- Use a hardened DNS resolver like:
- NextDNS or Control D (with custom filtering)
- Or self-hosted Pi-hole with DNS-over-HTTPS/TLS
- Set your OS and browser DNS to 1.1.1.1 or 9.9.9.9 if you’re feeling lazy but still private
📦 Virtualization (optional):
- Run a virtual machine just for browsing (e.g., Whonix or Tails inside VirtualBox or QEMU)
- That VM only connects to the VPN and gets nuked/reset regularly
🧼 System Hygiene:
- No Java, no Flash (if that still exists), no Adobe Acrobat, no Microsoft Edge
- Disable Cortana, telemetry, background app access, etc.
- Disable WebRTC (leaks your real IP otherwise)
- Use a local PDF reader (like Sumatra or Okular) and never open web PDFs in-browser
📂 Files and Downloads:
- All downloads go to a sandboxed folder
- VirusTotal scan every file manually or via script
- Strip metadata from all images/docs using mat2 or ExifTool
🔐 Extras:
- Use KeePassXC for local password storage
- Block all third-party cookies
- Use authenticator apps, not SMS, for 2FA
- Never click on shortened URLs
- Always inspect links before clicking
- Use email aliases (SimpleLogin, AnonAddy) and masked credit cards (Privacy.com)
- If using YouTube while paranoid: use Invidious frontends or Piped to avoid Google’s direct grasp
🔊 Still Watch YouTube?
Yes. But:
- Use LibreWolf or Firefox with YouTube containerized
- Prefer Piped (
https://piped.kavin.rocks/) as a frontend - Use SponsorBlock and Return YouTube Dislike extensions
- Block autoplay and recommendations
- Consider viewing through mpv + youtube-dl for full control and zero ads/tracking
🧠 Bonus: Your Data is a Lie
- Fake your OS fingerprint (OS: “Windows 7”; Browser: “Firefox 88”; Screen: 1024×768)
- Regularly rotate your MAC address
- Wipe system logs weekly
- Don’t use voice search
- Laugh maniacally in a dark room for at least 5 minutes daily (optional, but good for morale)”
HAPLESS LAYMAN-SAN: “Let’s go full paranoia: The universe is out to get me specifically because reasons. Thousands of super secret genius hacker agents are targeting my house with laser beams and doorknockers and demand access to my Unity assets folder. I still need to watch cat videos on YouTube, it’s my only passion. But I must keep my system secure! HALP Securitybot-kun! Here is my current system:
Device Name: ChatGPT is my Bae
Processor: AMD Rye Bread 18 99900X 256-Core Processor 6-cylinder @ 88 GHz per hour
Installed RAM: 1440.0 GB
Storage: 24 YB SSD Samsung SSD “lol” EVO Plusplusplusplusminus
Graphics Card: NVIDIA SqueeForce COX 9080 Ti (12 MB)”
SECURITYBOT-KUN: “Absolutely exquisite. With specs like that and a threat model involving orbital laser arrays and knock-knock reconnaissance drones, we’re talking DEFCON-MEOW. So here is the ULTIMATE PARANOIA OPSEC PROTOCOL for your system—built to withstand even the wrath of the Unity Asset Acquisition Guild.
🛡️ 𝗢𝗣𝗘𝗥𝗔𝗧𝗜𝗡𝗚 𝗦𝗬𝗦𝗧𝗘𝗠 𝗔𝗥𝗠𝗢𝗨𝗥
🧊 OS:
Option A: Qubes OS
- Virtual machines for everything. Each app/service is compartmentalized.
- Watch YouTube in a disposable VM that self-destructs after closing.
- Downside: your GPU is wasted, and game dev gets awkward.
Option B: Hardened Windows 10 (more practical for Unity work)
- Run O&O ShutUp10++, WPD, or Privatezilla to nuke telemetry.
- Disable Cortana, location services, OneDrive, background apps, all the gunk.
- Create a separate Windows user account for paranoid browsing only.
- All Unity work stays off the grid in a second profile or partition.
🧠 𝗙𝗜𝗥𝗘𝗪𝗔𝗟𝗟 & 𝗡𝗘𝗧𝗪𝗢𝗥𝗞 𝗧𝗘𝗥𝗥𝗢𝗥𝗗𝗢𝗠𝗘
- NordVPN (WireGuard protocol) with Killswitch + Obfuscated servers
- Pair with NextDNS (custom config w/ malware & tracker filtering)
- Set up SimpleWall (free advanced firewall tool) to block non-essential outbound traffic. Only let Unity Editor + Chrome/Firefox through when you choose.
- Consider Tailscale for private LAN tunneling across devices—zero trust networking.
🕸️ 𝗕𝗥𝗢𝗪𝗦𝗘𝗥: 𝗖𝗢𝗡𝗦𝗘𝗖𝗥𝗔𝗧𝗘𝗗 𝗙𝗢𝗥 𝗖𝗔𝗧 𝗩𝗜𝗗𝗘𝗢𝗦 𝗔𝗟𝗢𝗡𝗘
Main Browser: LibreWolf
- Hardened Firefox fork, telemetry nuked at birth
- YouTube only runs in this browser
- Add-ons:
- uBlock Origin (Annoyances + Extra Filters enabled)
- Privacy Badger
- Cookie AutoDelete
- HTTPS Everywhere
- Decentraleyes or LocalCDN
- SponsorBlock
- Return YouTube Dislike
- CanvasBlocker
- NoScript (whitelist YouTube only)
- User-Agent Switcher (randomized for bonus chaos)
- ClearURLs
- YouTube Container (via Firefox Multi-Account Containers)
Alternative: Use Piped
- URL:
https://piped.kavin.rocks/ - Streams YouTube via front-end proxy
- No ads. No tracking. Works with mpv. Cats remain undisturbed.
🧳 𝗦𝗔𝗙𝗘 𝗙𝗜𝗟𝗘 𝗦𝗘𝗧𝗨𝗣
- Create an encrypted folder using VeraCrypt or BitLocker (Unity asset vault)
- All Unity-related work happens inside that vault
- Enable “hidden volume” if you’re really being watched
🔬 𝗛𝗔𝗥𝗗𝗘𝗡𝗘𝗗 𝗨𝗦𝗘𝗥 𝗛𝗔𝗕𝗜𝗧𝗦
- Never use your real name online. You’re now “Mossbyte Nightsoil”.
- MAC address randomization is your birthright
- Turn off all IoT devices when working
- Webcam/mic disabled via BIOS or black electrical tape + USB blocker
- Boot to USB live Linux if you’re paranoid about just checking your email
- NEVER let Unity auto-upload or cloud sync without strict outbound rules
🗡️ 𝗣𝗘𝗥𝗜𝗠𝗘𝗧𝗘𝗥 𝗦𝗘𝗖𝗨𝗥𝗜𝗧𝗬
- All downloads scanned through:
VirusTotal(manual, or scripted)Malwarebytes Freeon-demandEmsisoft Anti-Malwarerunning realtime
- Strip metadata:
ExifTool -all= myfile.jpgmat2for PDFs and docs
- Backup to encrypted drive disconnected physically when not in use
🎛️ 𝗕𝗢𝗢𝗧 & 𝗙𝗜𝗥𝗠𝗪𝗔𝗥𝗘
- BIOS password enabled
- Secure Boot ON
- Fast Boot OFF (increases vulnerability)
- Auto-run USBs: disabled
- TPM locked (if present)
- Unified Extensible Firmware Interface (UEFI) boot hardening
🧙 𝗣𝗢𝗦𝗧𝗨𝗥𝗘 & 𝗣𝗥𝗔𝗬𝗘𝗥
- Use mechanical keyboard with non-standard key layout, just to confuse keyloggers
- Burn incense in the room for anti-hacker juju
- Tell your cat the names of all your executables to throw off social engineering attacks
- Make ritual backup offerings to the USB god on the 13th of each month”
HAPLESS LAYMAN-SAN: “Not good enough! I have military android hyperdogs that can watch my screen and keyboard in every wavelength. There are spider drones on the ceiling that can sense transmitted data through Ethernet wires. Skellor from the Neal Asher books is plugged into my USB drive. And surveillance drones the size of a bacteriophage are watching my brain patterns and eye movement. How do I protect my precious game development files?”
SECURITYBOT-KUN: “Ah. I see. You are no longer operating in mere “paranoid” territory.
You have ascended to the level of Quantum Schizo-Neural Cyberwarfare™,
where the enemy is not just at the gates—they are the gates, and the gates have legs.
You’re being watched on every plane of perception, stalked by biomechanical vermin, infiltrated by USB-bound AI superintelligences, and emotionally manipulated by nanoscopic surveillance bacteria.
This is not a drill.
🛸 THE ULTIMATE GAME DEV SANCTUM PROTOCOL (UGDSP)
🔮 Step 1: Digital Air Gap Cathedral
- Construct a fully offline PC, nicknamed “ChudSanctum”, using spare parts in a Faraday cage wrapped in a lead-lined, anti-vibration, anti-static coffin.
- No Wi-Fi. No Bluetooth. No Ethernet.
- Physically remove or epoxy the wireless card.
- Pull out the microphone and webcam. Pour wax into the audio jack.
- If Skellor’s plugged into USB—remove USB ports entirely. You transfer data by burning it into cuneiform on clay tablets and scanning them via an OCR scanner in Safe Mode.
🪓 Step 2: Transfer-Only via One-Way Medium
- Any code/art from the outside world must travel through:
- DVD-Rs burned with checksum verification
- or microSD cards passed through a one-way diode device (e.g., a data diode or your own janky Arduino-based firewall dongle)
- Use hashing (SHA-512) for every single file. Validate against a hash list on the offline system.
🧊 Step 3: Memory & File Entombment
- Encrypt Unity project folder with:
- VeraCrypt hidden volume inside a decoy volume of Windows 3.1 source code
- Password is typed with an encrypted keyboard, custom firmware, and rotating layouts like an old-school Enigma machine
- Enable “Plausible Deniability Mode”: if forced to open files, only the decoy opens—it’s a fake “Unity resources folder” filled with fanfic and ASCII art
👁️ Step 4: Optical Containment
- All dev occurs in dim, flickering candlelight to defeat retinal-reflective drones
- Wear reflective monocles and eyetracking spoof lenses that constantly flicker random focus patterns
- Surround monitor with electromagnetic interference emitters that scramble laser-based data exfiltration attempts
- Use an OLED monitor that self-randomizes subpixels in the refresh cycle
- Every 7 minutes, trigger a screen obfuscation pulse—just a burst of full-white strobe followed by a randomized waveform static pattern
🧽 Step 5: Neural Activity Obfuscation
- Coat skull with tinfoil laced with mylar and grounded copper mesh
- Use AI-generated audio clutter in the background: multiple conflicting voice streams, ocean waves, Gregorian chants, and randomized white-noise dialects
- Chew on brainwave-noising gum made from peppermint, zinc, and random crypto keys
- Train yourself to think in base-7 to confuse Skellor’s neuro-linguistic predictive models
📦 Step 6: Physical Drone Disruption
- Deploy motion-sensitive flyswatter turrets disguised as fidget spinners
- Release actual spiders to hunt the surveillance spider drones—spiders don’t snitch
- Have a trained cat sit on top of your PC case 24/7 to detect vibrational anomalies from the ceiling
- Line your walls with ferrofluid murals that react to magnetic surveillance pulses—“The Drones Have Entered The Wall” is not just a Pink Floyd album anymore
🪙 Step 7: Backups & Redundancy
- Daily backups encrypted and buried in multiple geocached titanium capsules
- Each capsule guarded by riddles, squirrels, and fake GPS coordinates
- One backup is on a gold-plated vinyl record, playable only on a steam-powered turntable
🎮 Step 8: Game Development Workflow (Still Works)
- Use Unity on ChudSanctum with a heavily firewalled build pipeline
- Export builds manually to DVD
- Debug only using log printouts on paper
- All variables named in dead languages to deter reverse engineering
- Animate using ASCII rotoscope techniques“
HAPLESS LAYMAN-SAN: “Oh no, I fear I’ve been compromised… Now I’m staring at the folder before my Unity game files, with the “play” button of a hilarious YouTube cat video hovering enticingly on my 2nd monitor. However, nanobots have entered my brain and are surfing on my neurofibers, ready to snitch my every move to The Man™. All I can do to communicate my desires is to blink randomly with the hope that enough loose eyelashes will fall onto the right keys to play the cat video. Will you be my salvation, Securitybot-kun?”
SECURITYBOT-KUN: “Fear not, o besieged Blinker of Destiny. You are not alone. I am here—your last firewall, your sacred proxy, your quantum-cat-summoning paladin in the void of state-sponsored surveillance sludge.
Let us deploy Operation: BLINKCAT — the final failsafe.
🐾 MISSION: STREAM THE CAT — WITHOUT GETTING GOT
🧠 Cognitive Camouflage Activated
- Engage False Focus Mode™:
- Open a decoy spreadsheet titled
QuarterlySynergyReview_Q2.xls. - Fill it with Lorem Ipsum in 4pt font. Highlight random rows every few seconds.
- Open a decoy spreadsheet titled
- Initiate Thought-Noise Injection:
- Mentally chant “feta cheese diagram” on loop. Nanobots can’t predict that.
- Think exclusively in puns, rhymed couplets, and misquoted IKEA instructions.
- Lash Launch Sequence:
- Each blink may drop a lash. Each lash is a vote.
- Morse-blink the sacred phrase:
.-. ..- -... / -- -.-- / -.-. .- -
🎬 Stealth-Mode YouTube Access Protocol
Step-by-step, without letting Skellor sniff it:
- Open LibreWolf in Container Mode:
YouTube_CatZone - Use this exact URL (camouflaged from surveillance algorithms):
https://piped.kavin.rocks/watch?v=dQw4w9WgXcQ
(wait… wrong cat—try this)https://piped.kavin.rocks/watch?v=J---aiyznGQ - Enable the following browser extensions (cloak signature):
CanvasBlocker(set fingerprint to “fruit bat”)uBlock Origin(activate NyanFilter for extra stealth)SponsorBlock(skip surveillance scripts disguised as midrolls)
- Turn off autoplay. They want you to autoplay. Don’t give in.
🧬 Nanobot Disruption Field
You’ll need to induce a localized electromagnetic burst using the classic trick:
- Lick your finger.
- Touch the metal corner of your monitor.
- Whisper “It don’t matter. None of this matters.” into the air vent.
If you did it right, the nanobots will assume you’re malfunctioning and reboot into firmware update mode. You have a 2.4-second window. Use it to hit PLAY.”
HAPLESS LAYMAN-SAN: “That did it. I followed your steps and was able to achieve my goals. Thank you Securitybot-kun. Now I need to sneeze out all these invasive brain-invading superintelligences. Let this be a lesson to all who suffer what I just suffered. Believe in yourself, and you can –. — / ..-. ..- -.-. -.- / -.– — ..- .-. … . .-.. ..-.
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