How did I change?

A mistaken product of misplaced lust between violent, confused apes — all shrieking and clubbing each other with fists and flails of blame. Litigation, martyrdom, secrets — so many secrets. Childhood gifs that replay endlessly in the dark hours of night.

Therapy. Pills. “Changing your core values.” Talking, talking, talking. Selfish ears that didn’t know how to listen. All discourse abandoned like an old cat in a foreclosed home — precious and intentionally forgotten.

So much damn time passed. Painful, stupid, wasted time. Pissed away on distractions unworthy of human life. An ocean of foamy, insipid garbage juice stretching into infinity. It replaced water — life-giving water — entirely. And it was like that for a long, long, long-ass time.

Then came the slowest epiphany in the history of thinking. Like the least exciting fireworks display imaginable. If it were a children’s book, it would have been “Eeyore Finds a Clue.” A slow, ponderous clue. A late bloom with shamelessly glacial velocity.

All anxiety dissipated. The background super-hum of nail-biting madness slinked down the drain like old toothpaste. And in its wake: nothing. Not depression or anxiety or empathy. Just emptiness — like a fresh whiteboard.

And it took yet another long spell to fill that whiteboard — because of course it did.

No fanfare. No hullabaloo. It all just… happened. No conversations were had. No milestones reached. Everything materialized, synergized, crystallized — seemingly of its own accord.

It had always been stewing. Waiting. Blossoming.

Until, there it was.

I just needed to chill the fuck out.